29 Mar To Be a Liberal Today You Have to Believe…

• That trial lawyers are selfless heroes, but doctors are overpaid;
• That the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding;
• That global temperatures are affected more by Yuppies driving SUV’s than by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the sun;
• That guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese;
• That businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity;
• That self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it;
• That there was no art before federal funding;
• That the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is good, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution;
• That taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high;
• That Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria Steinam are more important to an understanding of American history than Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee and Thomas Edison;
• That the most troubling thing you can find in a public school is children praying;
• That standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas aren’t;
• That any change in the weather is proof of global warming;
• That national wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce;
• That the only wars in which America should become involved are those in which the national security is not at risk;
• That perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable crimes if a Republican president like Richard Nixon commits them, but harmless private matters if a Democratic president like Bill Clinton commits them;
• That the way to end racism is to give people special treatment on the basis of their skin color;
• That we can have a strong military without spending any money on it;
• That the way to improve public schools is to give more money and power to people who have misused it in the past;
• That a mother can be trusted to decide whether to terminate the life of her baby, but cannot be trusted to choose her child’s school;
• That second-hand smoke is more dangerous than HIV;
• That hunters and fisherman don’t care about nature, but pasty-faced activists who rarely leave the Upper West Side of Manhattan do;
• That a bureaucrat living in Washington can make better decisions about how your money should be spent than you can;
• That Hillary Clinton is a strong example for young women of feminist independence because everything she’s gotten in her life is a result of her marriage to her husband;
• That being a movie star makes you qualified to speak out on public policy;
• That a clerk in a government-owned liquor store is a selfless tribune of the people, but a clerk in a privately owned liquor store is a vile oppressor of the masses, even though prices are lower and hours are longer in the private store;
• That a handful of religious wackos living in isolation in rural Texas are more of a threat to public safety than Puerto Rican terrorists who plant bombs in major cities;
• That cigarette and liquor advertising must be banned, because it causes kids to smoke and drink, but we don’t need to worry about sex and violence in television programming because kids aren’t influenced by what happens between the commercials;
• That passing new laws is a better way to prevent crime than enforcing existing ones;
• That the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it has been tried is because people like you haven’t been in charge.