29 Mar Any Nation That Can Put A Man On the Moon Can Get Rid of the EPA

There is certainly no shortage of big thinkers down at the ol’ Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). While the agency attempts to regulate everything on Earth from water consumption to auto emissions, the truly far-sighted control freaks have turned their heads to the stars – Mars to be exact.

Recently, a memo to EPA employees announced that their reach has gone universal. “As human exploration of Mars and other planets moves from the realm of fantasy to real possibility, a host of environmental questions arise. Could exploration or colonization inadvertently endanger life forms that might exist on other planets, could they pose any risks to Planet Earth if brought back by astronauts? Looking at lessons from our own planet, what steps should we take to protect other planetary bodies in the Solar System?”

Men from H.G. Wells to George Lucas have searched the stars and dreamed of one day going there. In fact, we were once well on our way, even making it to the Moon. But…(sigh) that was before the EPA existed. So H.G., George, forget your dreams. No spaceship will ever pass the environmental impact study. And there will never be an interplanetary bar scene like George created in the first Star Wars. The big thinkers know best. Man is doomed to stay put – well ruled and regulated.