09 Jun They’ve Discovered Gold in Hell… Or How the Lie of Global Warming Became the Most Powerful Political Force in Human History
June 9, 2009
Folklore By Tom DeWeese
Not long ago a very talented salesman died and found himself approaching the Pearly Gates. As he drew closer he noticed there was a very long line of people waiting to enter and it wasn’t moving.
Impatient by nature, the salesman pushed his way to the front of the line and confronted a very harried St. Peter. “What’s the hold up,” asked the salesman. “There’s a strike at the pedestal factory and no one may enter Heaven without one,” explained St. Peter. “So, you’ll just have to wait until the strike is settled and they start manufacturing more pedestals.”
That didn’t satisfy the salesman. Always looking to make a deal, he said to St. Peter, “listen, I’m a pretty fair salesman. Let me make you this deal. Let me come into Heaven for just one hour. If I don’t have my own pedestal by that time, I’ll come out and stand in line like everyone else.” St. Peter, happy to get just one person to stop yelling at him, agreed.
So, through the Pearly Gates went the salesman. He saw rows and rows of serene folks standing on their pedestals, happy and content. The salesman walked among the rows until finally he stopped and looked up at one occupant. “Pssst, hey you,” he said. The pedestal occupant looked down and said, “What?” Whispered the salesman, “Don’t tell anyone, but they’ve discovered gold in Hell. No one else knows and it can be yours for the taking.” “Really,” said the occupant. “Sure, go get it,” said the salesman. With that, the occupant jumped off his pedestal and ran down the street. “Well, that was easy,” said the salesman, as he climbed up on the abandoned pedestal.
And there he stood, content and serene, until he began to hear a commotion. Shouting grew louder. The startled salesman looked around, noticing people jumping off their pedestals and running down the streets of Heaven. As they passed the salesman they shouted, “They’ve discovered gold in Hell…they’ve discovered gold in hell!” The shouts grew louder. The excitement grew as more and more took to the streets, heading toward the Pearly Gates.
Finally, several people tugged at the Salesman’s leg and shouted, “come on… they’ve discovered gold in Hell.” “Really,” said the salesman. “Yes, come on,” they shouted. And the salesman jumped off his pedestal and started running down the street with the rest of them.
As he ran through the Pearly Gates, St. Peter grabbed his arm and said, “Where are you going?” The now near-crazed salesman shouted, “They’ve discovered gold in Hell!”
“WAIT A MINUTE,” said St. Peter, “YOU STARTED THAT RUMOR.” “I KNOW I DID,” said the salesman, “BUT… ALL THESE PEOPLE CAN’T BE WRONG!”
And that’s the way the lie of global warming became the most powerful political force in human history.